Introducing Ace, Food Detective...

Ace paused at the doorway, waiting for CC (Constant Companion) to catch up - the last caper had been bananas.

It was a complicated and crazy scheme, pulled off by two crazy squirels named Floyd and Lloyd, an army of unmedicated seniors, and a bank heist all rolled into one.

"Smart Monkey," he said, "I could use something smart after that last thing. Good thing we're in Ithaca."

Ace sauntered into the cafe, and checked out the goods behind the counter.

"Too bad it's so brightly lit," CC said. "But at least they have a couch."

Smart Monkey felt they were clever - leaflets dropped from the ceilings, explaining that in some kind of experiement, monkeys were given two kinds of bananas, organic & not, and that the monkeys ate the entire banana, peel & all on the organic bananas, but only at the actual banana on the nots.

"I'll take a banana," Ace drawled.

"Sorry - fresh out," chirped the banana barrista.

Instead, Ace went for the omelet, straight from the chicken, with bits of tofu and uncured ham and unharmed cheese; CC went for the crazy - something called a "Yepwich."

"A Yepwich, really?"

"Yup."

"No, Yep."

"Uh, yup."

Anyways, the Yepwich was purported to be tortured chicken...better make that...sauteed chicken with tomatoes, the still-beating heart of an artichoke, mustard and melted cheese.

More than half of the place was taken up by a stairway to the second, so they took it, and found themselves facing a mural of the sky, with a couple of tables hanging out on the edges.

The waiter brought the chow up, but not in a dumb waiter... and it was decent. The eggs, good (tasted just like the cruel eggs of yesterday) the tofu, hidden (always good) and the other stuff, traditional.

"How's that Yup?"

"Yuppie," said CC. "It ain't bad, but the chicken could have been a little peppier..."

"They keep the peppy for the barristas. You shoulda had a cuppa for the perk."

"Hey, isn't that Jo, your arch-food nemisis, walking on by?"

"Quick, let's follow Jo, maybe she'll lead us to the HQ of the J-faction. By the way, next week I'm gonna need you to infiltrate their organization. It may be a little tough, but I'm sure you're up to it."

"Whatever."

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Ace - where only the food is real...